THE FIVE MAGIC HOURS: A BLUEPRINT FOR BUILDING LASTING CONNECTIONS WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Today’s blog, in honor of Valentine’s Day will be a journey of love, connection, and building a thriving relationship with your spouse. In the realm of couples' therapy, the Gottman Institute's "Five Magic Hours" serves as a guiding light, providing a roadmap for couples to strengthen their bonds and foster deeper connections. Let's explore this approach to help nurture your relationship that stands the test of time.

Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman, renowned couples therapists, have identified five crucial hours that contribute to the health and happiness of a marriage. By dedicating intentional time to these aspects, couples can build a solid foundation for a lasting connection. Let’s jump right in!

Parting (2 mins. x 5 days a week = 10 mins a week):

Before parting ways for the day, take a moment to connect with your spouse. Whether it's a quick hug, a loving gaze, cheek kiss/peck, or a few heartfelt words, create a positive note to carry with you and begin to set the tone of your day.

Studies have shown that couples who part on a positive note are more likely to approach challenges with a more collaborative mindset.

Reunion (20 mins x 5 days a week = 1hr 40 mins a week):

The reunion hour is an opportunity to reconnect after spending the day apart. Take time to share experiences, engage in active and reflective listening. Be sure to express genuine interest in your spouse's day.

Set aside distractions during this time, such as phones or other devices, to fully engage in meaningful conversation. If you are on your phone consider downloading the Gottman Card Decks app and spend some intentional time getting to know one another better or a means to open the lines of communication, and have some fun in the process.

Admiration and Appreciation (5 mins x 7 days a week = 35 mins a week):

Spend intentional time expressing admiration and appreciation for one another. Acknowledge your partner's strengths, accomplishments, or even simple daily gestures.

Cultivate a culture of gratitude within your relationship, fostering a positive and affirming environment. Yes, somethings we may see as our “reasonable service” to do and does not warrant an outward appreciation of gratitude but acknowledgement and genuine gratitude goes a long way and means alot; especially if they are starved or malnurished in this area. Say, “Thank you.” Say, “I appreciate you for…”

Affection (5 mins x 7 days a week = 35 mins a week):

Physical touch is a powerful tool for maintaining connection. Whether it's a hug, a kiss, or simply holding hands, incorporate moments of affection into your daily routine.

Physical touch releases oxytocin, often referred to as the "love hormone," promoting feelings of bonding and intimacy. Who doesn’t need this? We were created for relationship.

Weekly Date Night (2hrs x 1 day a week = 2hrs a week):

Dedicate one hour per week to a special date night. It doesn't have to be extravagant; the key is spending quality time together without the distractions of daily life. Today, one of our greatest distractions are our cellphones and televisions. Maybe have a date night where no phones are allowed or must be on silent (for babysitter purposes of course). This activity in and of itself could be considered fun by making a game of it. The first person to look at their phone (insert a fun agreeable consequence) or the first person to pick up their phone (insert fun agreeable consequence), or if they answer the phone and spend X amount of time on the phone (insert fun agreeable consequence).

Date nights provide an opportunity to nurture the romantic aspect of your relationship, reinforcing the foundation of your connection.

Bonus: State of the Union Meeting (1hr x 1 day of a week = 1hr a week):

This is an addition to the Five Magic Hours. This is the step where partners will discuss the state of the relationship and any areas of concern for the couple. The meeting should be the same time; or close to the same time and day each week as often as possible.

The couple will start by checking in with one another regarding how things have been since your last State of the Union Meeting. Express five things you appreciate about them that have not already been spoken, be specific when discussing any issues that arose and remember to avoid triggers and triggering words. As the person closest to your spouse you know the hot topics and buttons. Do not allow this to be a “hurt people, hurt people” moment. Allow this time to be transformative.

Conclusion: In the fast, slow, posted on the wall, in your seat dance of marriage, the Five Magic Hours serve as a melody that harmonizes the connection between spouses. By weaving these intentional moments into the fabric of your daily life, you're not only investing in your relationship but also creating a love story that grows richer with time. Embrace every moment, celebrate your unique connection, and build a foundation that stands resilient against the trials of life that we know will inevitably arise. Your journey towards a more connected and fulfilling marriage should begin in prayer; should you have a faith, healthy communication, grace, and add in these five enchanting hours and watch how your marriage begins to transform in front of your eyes.

Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman, through their extensive research in the field of couples therapy, have laid claim to the development of a method that allows them to predict divorce with a high degree of accuracy. Specifically, they assert that they can predict divorce with over 93% accuracy based on their observations of a couple's interactions during a conflict. Their research involves analyzing various aspects of a couple's communication patterns, emotional responses, and behaviors to assess the health of the relationship.

It's important to note that the Gottmans have achieved significant success in predicting divorce. Lastly, the accuracy of their predictions is often linked to the thoroughness and precision of their assessments, as well as the commitment of the couples involved in the research process. Therefore, this could be the possible game changer you were unaware you even needed. Let the heart work begin! HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!